BERKELEY, Calif. – This weekend Bay Area Rapid Transit published blueprints for a new railway to supplement the five existing routes. Christened the “Dark Yellow” line, the shuttle is expected to run between “my fly and the urinal.” 

A preliminary report from BART Bicycle Advisory Task Force chair John Goggle indicates that the line will be “in service roughly 6-7 times per day, depending on whether or not I forget to hydrate.” However, BART has additionally stated that “on nights I go out and drink we will see an additional Pale Yellow line running around when I get home at 1AM.”  

BART has likewise revealed exploratory demographics for the expected passengers; in a statement put out on Sunday October 17th, the BART Accessibility Task Force released a statement anticipating “toxins from your kidneys and extra water from the bloodstream,” with peak hours “exactly when your lecture begins and it would be totally awkward to go take a leak.”

Moreover, an anonymous BART employee has reported to us that a “Dark Brown” shuttle bus is in initial stages of testing, with early routes including “your ass to the disgusting bathroom next to Free Speech Cafe.”

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