I used to be like you. I used to underestimate the everything bagel. Pish posh, I thought like a character in some poorly-written Anglophile Wattpad …
5 Originals That Are Better Than Their Knockoffs (You Won’t Believe Number #3)
Everyone loves a good original idea. Except, when someone takes your original idea and copies it. Then everyone loves an unoriginal idea. Capitalism, am I right? But some copies are overhyped. Here are five examples of originals that are better than their overrated knockoffs.
Student Claiming Evans Hall Is Beautiful Diagnosed With Covid Due to Lack of Taste
Sophomore Mark Wright was immediately quarantined this morning following reports that he praised Evans Hall’s appearance.
Top 5 Things in Berkeley to Lick Once You’re Vaccinated
1. The Candy? Hole in the Bathroom of Morrison Library There’s this weird hole in the wall between two bathroom stalls in Morrison Library, and …
Premium Properties Demands Gallon of Cum In Addition To 10k Monthly Rent
Berkeley real estate empire Premium Properties recently released new guidelines for existing rental agreements, originally claiming that “due to inflation,” they would be requiring “a half of a bucket of semen in addition to rent, as a precautionary measure.”
BREAKING: New Student Admit Confesses They Love to Go Out, But Also Love a Chill Night In
“I love reading, baking, hiking, being outside, drinking water, and breathing air. And can’t forget boba!! I also lovvee The Office, so shoutout to my fellow fans with an elite sense of humor :P”
10 Things To Do Now That You’ve Completed Your Lifelong Goal of Donating to the Big Give
Congratulations! After wanting to donate to the Big Give for months — no, years — you finally did. If you feel lost and confused, don’t …
Mechanical Engineering Department Unable to 3D Print More Women Into Its Program
“The few women we do have in the department haven’t been helpful either! Every suggestion they give me is impossible to implement, since they get drowned out by me talking over them!”
Wholesome! Professor Includes Cute Dog Photo in Announcement that the Midterm Average Was a 46
“The professor displayed a serious lack of judgment and professionalism in his conduct. We are appalled that he didn’t choose a picture of a cuter breed, like a Corgi or Shiba Inu. Even a French Bulldog would’ve been better.”
Student From LA Actually Not From LA
BERKELEY, Calif. — Even though Kimberly Whittaker has told all of her friends that she is from Los Angeles, it has been reported that she …