“Any other questions can be answered in my syllabus on my wife’s cousin’s website, in the ‘Extra Supplemental Materials’ folder on bCourses, or in a little treasure box buried in my backyard if you fuckers can find it.”
Vegan Co-Op Enjoys Delicious Meal of Quinoa, Beans, Quinoa, and Also Whip-Its
BERKELEY, Calif. – The vegan student cooperative house prepared an excellent meal the other night consisting of a quinoa salad appetizer and a quinoa bean …
Cthulu Sits On Campanile, Likes It
As he flailed he braced for pain, but was pleasantly surprised that the feeling of the Campanile in his rectum incredibly good.
True Crime: I Put a Very Silly Hat on Top of Every Campus Building
I chase their dreams like a dog chasing cars. I put hats on top of each one. Silly hats. Absurd hats. Hell, I bet the Joker would call these “Normal Hats.” These are the buildings. Their hats are their stories.
Heartbreaking! Sophomore’s LinkedIn Profile Edited From “Business Administration” to “Econ”
BERKELEY, Calif. – Two weeks ago, admissions decisions from Berkeley’s Haas School of Business were released, consequently prompting a flurry of LinkedIn activity. “Econ is …
The Free Peach Applicant FAQs
The Free Peach is a student-run news satire publication. We were founded in early 2019 by a group of disgruntled Black Sheep writers who wanted revenge. We’ve been losing popularity ever since!
UC Berkeley #1 in Public Universities That Didn’t Participate in Capitol Riots
Recently, the high council of U.S. News & World Report added a new section to their exhaustive list of university rankings after a UCLA student …
Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life
According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump.
Health Officials Propose Storing COVID Vaccines in Main Stacks Amidst Freezer Space Shortage
The bleak, frozen environment of this place is known for its chilling temperatures and stark landscape as one of the coldest and quietest natural sites in the Northern Hemisphere.
BREAKING: Berkeley DeCals Not Stickers
BERKELEY, Calif. — Several Cal students recently came to the revelation that Berkeley DeCals are, in fact, student-taught classes and not Berkeley-themed stickers. “I was …