BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley professor Claude McClaude sparked outrage recently with his controversial decision to require his students to purchase a hard copy of …
Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …
I’m A Republican and I Think COVID-19 Is Nothing Compared To Those Scary Clowns From 2016
America, we will never be able to agree on everything. We all want what’s best for our country, and we all have different ideas of …
Trump Solves Coronavirus by Stopping Testing
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House issued a press release yesterday explaining how President Trump has resolved the COVID-19 pandemic by halting all testing, after Dr. Harold …
Woman’s Yeast Infection Repurposed for Sourdough Starter
FULLERTON, Calif.— Fullerton resident Jeanine Woodrow recently repurposed her pesky yeast infection to create a sourdough starter during the statewide shelter in place mandate. “I …
Oh Yeah, Totally: UC Berkeley Students Lose Competitive Edge Because Classes Are P/NP
In an unthinkable turn of events, the university’s recent move to default classes as “Pass/No Pass” has wreaked havoc far and wide on the one …
In Lieu of Tuition Relief, Carol Christ Offers Each Student an Otter Pop
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recognizing the hefty price tag of an inadequate education, UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ has announced an update to the university’s …
How to Survive Quarantine From Your 4-Story-6-Bedroom Manhattan Beach Mansion
Listen, we know it’s been hard. Quarantine is rough, especially when you’re sitting on a 5-acre lot in Manhattan Beach or Palos Verdes or wherever …
Nation’s Leaders Model Good Shelter-in-Place Behavior by Only Engaging in Insider Trading During a Pandemic
Washington, D.C. — Legislators demonstrated unprecedented leadership earlier this year by engaging in insider stock trading upon being briefed about COVID-19, showing the American people …
Cal Zero Waste 2020 Finally Succeeds After Students Abandon Campus Amidst COVID-19
BERKELEY, Calif.— “We finally did it!” The heads of Cal Zero Waste 2020 have declared victory. Zero waste has finally been achieved. I recently had …