BERKELEY, Calif. — With hopes of having Fall 2021 games be attended in-person, Cal football has announced its giveaway lineup. This upcoming season’s giveaways include …
Bunny Think Why Oozma Kappa Still Throw Party Hmm?
I am Bunny. Bunny ouch. Bunny want play outside with Bunny friend. Mom stay inside keep Bunny and friend safe. Bunny settle upstairs couch with …
Entirety of US Surveillance State Gears Up for Upcoming CS 70 Final
BERKELEY, Calif. – With an eye turned toward looming final exams, Berkeley EECS administrators held a press conference Tuesday regarding their proctoring policy: “I’m sure …
OPINION: Why My COVID Antibodies Make My Cum Taste Better
There are already SO many reasons why girls should give me head. To name a few: 1) because it feels good for me, 2) because …
New Scientific Study Finds Coronavirus Immunity in Former FitTea Models
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The novel coronavirus has presented innumerable uncertainties to the global population, with scientists and doctors worldwide scrambling to create a vaccine …
President Trump Endorses Eighth Grader’s COVID-19 Fart Test
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to White House Chief Fart Correspondent William Barr, President Trump has officially come out in support of the COVID-19 Fart Test …
Cal Fraternities to Reevaluate Bid System After COVID-19 Enters Uninvited
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …
Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police
GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …
Berkeley Professor Requires Purchase of Reader from Copy Central For Online Course
BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley professor Claude McClaude sparked outrage recently with his controversial decision to require his students to purchase a hard copy of …
Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …