“It’s not you, it’s me,” stated the Doe lamp. “We just don’t fit together. I’m never going to change, even if it would make the lives of thousands of students much easier.”
Shame! Moffitt to No Longer Count Full Costco Rotisserie Chicken as Snack
“It’s discrimination and a miscarriage of justice through and through. It’s quite simple and plain in fact, unlike Costco’s delectable rotisserie chickens.”
Jesus Denied Entry to Moffitt Without Student ID
“Here I am, the Savior, King of Kings, Shepherd and Bishop of Souls, Alpha and Omega, Son of God, blah, blah, blah, and they seriously won’t let me in without an ID? Whatever happened to nepotism?”
Woman Who Shit Herself in Public: “At Least I’m Not Being Forced to Hand Out Flyers For My Marketing Club”
Bowman later issued a statement claiming that public defecation was “Like a 4 on the scale of humiliation. After a week of verbally assaulting students on Sproul to inquire about their (obvious lack of) interest in sustainable business, I don’t think I have a sense of self anymore. My humanity kind of feels stripped to an abstract concept after trying to convince three thousand underclassmen that my club is worth taking an Airpod out for.”
Campus Libraries Ranked by How Cool Their New Vermin Overlords Are
Louie, the snake who does coke, lives here. I think he may have worked the desk pre-Covid? Anyway, he’s a slippery, legless asshole but he did invite me to his family’s lake house that one time.