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Month: March 2019

Posted on March 15, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Newly #Woke Cal Freshman Has 18 Years Of White Guilt To Catch Up On

“Seriously, it’s so crazy. Did you know that America… is racist?”

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Posted on March 14, 2019February 6, 2020 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Idiots Use Outright Fraud To Get Into Yale Instead Of The Plethora Of Legal Loopholes

But the FBI recently released a report detailing what anyone could learn from literally a single episode of Gossip Girl: some people don’t earn their way to the top.

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Posted on March 13, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Daniel Menegaz

Wow! We Got Our Hands’ On Olivia Jade’s USC Application!

After her parents spent half a million dollars to buy her a spot at USC, it’s important to make her application transparent!

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Posted on March 12, 2019May 13, 2021 by: The Free Peach

38 Better Names For Cafe Think

Cafe Definitely, I Ran the Numbers

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Posted on March 11, 2019December 2, 2022 by: The Free Peach

I’ll Tell You Where You Should Go For Spring Break, But Only If You Help Me Out Of This Little Hole

I’d be totally down to tell you where to go for spring break, but I need you to help me out of this tiny, dirty hole. Sound good?

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Posted on March 11, 2019May 13, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Spaghetti Is The Worst Noodle And This Is Why (by Cal Dining)

The Following Argument is completely unbiased and objective.

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Posted on March 11, 2019September 11, 2021 by: Sammy Cornick

Top Four Places To Send Refugees From Florida Once Everything Fucking Floods

Because climate change isn’t real, right?

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Posted on March 8, 2019February 6, 2020 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Mandela Effect Case Study: Didn’t UC Berkeley Use To Be Cool?

Is anyone else freaking out about this?

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Posted on March 7, 2019May 12, 2021 by: Amanda Mier

Cal Sorority Girls Rush to Contract Norovirus in Time for Coachella

Go forth and enjoy, Bears! Use our promo codes HITMYJUUL and MAKEOUTWITHASTRANGER for a Norovirus discount this spring!

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Posted on March 7, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Reviewing Student Action’s Executive Slate Based Only on their Photos

If you don’t agree with our assessment, we guess you could actually read into the candidate’s platforms, but that seems like overkill.

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