BERKELEY, Calif. – Latest research conducted by the voices in your head has concluded that your fellow passenger – who sat right next to you …
Fuck: It Was Probably a Bit Too Late to Drink That Yerb
BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal sophomore Ricky Jitters came to the realization last Tuesday night that it was, unfortunately, a bit too late to drink that …
Man Who ‘Doesn’t Need a Bedtime Story’ Scrolling Wikipedia
BERKELEY, Calif. – Gripped by stressful late-night study sessions, many Berkeley scholars have faced difficulty nodding off. Despite spending 30 minutes on the Wikipedia page …
Representation Matters! CEO of ‘War Crimes Inc.’ in Problem Set Question is a Woman
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students in a Haas financial accounting class were assigned what seemed to be a typical problem set for homework. However, in a …
Starbucks Renames ‘Chai Tea Latte’ to ‘Masala Milky Milk’
SEATTLE, W.A. – It’s a pumpkin-spice time of year, and as Starbucks’ Bored-Ass Directors attempt to single handedly tackle racism and injustice again, they turn …
Harambe Moment? This Family Just Left Their Child Unattended in Doe
BERKELEY, Calif – In a moment of parental ignorance and confusion, the Smith family left their 9-year-old son unattended in Doe. “It all happened so …
Rich Friend Who ‘Owns an Island’ Just Has Upscale Kitchen
ALBANY, Calif.– In an age where extreme wealth has accumulated at the very top of the nation’s income distribution, Cal student Will Daly was shocked …
Great Minds Think Alike? Professor Uses Restroom After Me
Reserve me a Nobel spot, book me a speaking tour, and stick me in the corner office; there’s irrefutable evidence that I’m a genius on …
Berkeley Commemorates Anniversary of Free Speech Movement by Arresting Activists
BERKELEY, Calif.– In commemoration of the upcoming 59th anniversary of the Free Speech Movement, the City of Berkeley has capitalized on nostalgia for simpler times …
Report: Lecture Great Time to Get Literally Anything Else Done
BERKELEY, Calif. — After opening the discussion for questions during Tuesday’s lecture, Professor Gopal Jhaveri was left utterly speechless at the lack of speech from …