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Tag: Coronavirus

Posted on November 14, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

UCSF Begins COVID Drug Trial With Those Pills That Turn Into Dinosaurs in Water

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. – As COVID continues to confound doctors and ravage the nation, experts at the University of California, San Francisco have begun to …

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Posted on September 23, 2020September 23, 2020 by: The Free Peach

OPINION: Why My COVID Antibodies Make My Cum Taste Better

There are already SO many reasons why girls should give me head. To name a few: 1) because it feels good for me, 2) because …

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Posted on September 18, 2020September 11, 2021 by: Sammy Cornick

New Scientific Study Finds Coronavirus Immunity in Former FitTea Models

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The novel coronavirus has presented innumerable uncertainties to the global population, with scientists and doctors worldwide scrambling to create a vaccine …

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Posted on September 15, 2020May 13, 2021 by: Daniella Rosen

President Trump Endorses Eighth Grader’s COVID-19 Fart Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to White House Chief Fart Correspondent William Barr, President Trump has officially come out in support of the COVID-19 Fart Test …

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Posted on September 10, 2020October 15, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Cal Fraternities to Reevaluate Bid System After COVID-19 Enters Uninvited

BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …

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Posted on September 3, 2020May 6, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police

GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …

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Posted on August 18, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions

BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …

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Posted on April 23, 2020October 7, 2021 by: lyamashir01

Oh Yeah, Totally: UC Berkeley Students Lose Competitive Edge Because Classes Are P/NP

In an unthinkable turn of events, the university’s recent move to default classes as “Pass/No Pass” has wreaked havoc far and wide on the one …

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Posted on April 22, 2020October 7, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

In Lieu of Tuition Relief, Carol Christ Offers Each Student an Otter Pop

  BERKELEY, Calif. – Recognizing the hefty price tag of an inadequate education, UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ has announced an update to the university’s …

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Posted on April 19, 2020September 11, 2021 by: lyamashir01

How to Survive Quarantine From Your 4-Story-6-Bedroom Manhattan Beach Mansion

Listen, we know it’s been hard. Quarantine is rough, especially when you’re sitting on a 5-acre lot in Manhattan Beach or Palos Verdes or wherever …

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