While the Berkeley administration has been trying for years to change the name of Dead Week, they have never been successful in their pursuit. Reading, Review, and Recitation Week? No chance. Truth be told, I haven’t done a course reading since the second week of freshman fall. I am obsessed with tech reviews but don’t think the week is worthy of being named after them. The only things I am able to recite are the quadratic formula, the intro to Avatar the Last Airbender and the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise. Rather than listen to what Marky Mark and the administration have to say, here are 100 alternatives for what we could call not-alive week this year:

  1. I’m Weak 
  2. You Shall Not Pass Week
  3. Puke and Rally Week
  4. I’m Gonna Start Studying Today Week
  6. You ever Sit back and Think Stanford’s Mascot is A Fucking Tree LMAO Week
  7. The Week Where Instead of Masturbating for Pleasure You do It Because It’s a Good Study Break
  8. Oski Hibernation Week
  9. The Big Lame
  10. mEnTaL hEalTh wEeK
  11. Can’t Will Myself to Eat at Crossroads Anymore Week
  12. Take-Out Week
  13. The Week(nd)
  14. Procrastination Week
  15. Should’ve went to UC Santa Cruz Week (shoutout Hasan)
  16. Chase Garbers Tribute Week
  17. Carol “Cares” About Mental Health Week
  18. Wake Up After 12 Each Day Week
  19. X Equals Negative b Plus or Minus Square Root of b Squared Minus 4ac Alllll over Two a Week 
  20. Go to Moffit and Pretend to Study Week
  21. Go to Mainstacks and Actually Study Week
  22. DOEs Anyone Actually Go to Doe Week?
  23. Music Library is Excessively Underrated Week
  24. Smells Like EECS Week
  25. Stress Shopping Season 
  26. Tyler Goldstein Week (Worth a Try)
  27. Watch Me Epically Fail at Catching Up on Lectures Week
  28. Free Weed Week (Maybe If Enough Of Us Say It It’ll Happen)
  29. The Week Were Frank Ocean, Kanye and Playboi Carti Dropped an Album
  30. Greek Life Goes to Tahoe Week
  31. The Week Where all The Berkeley COVID Cases Went Away ^
  32. The Dark Side of the Force is a Pathway to Many Abilities Some Consider to be Unnatural Week
  33. The Longest Week
  34. The Shortest Week
  35. Somehow Both the Longest and Shortest Week Week
  36. Insert [Expletive] Week
  37. Uber-Eat Everyday Week
  38. *chuckles* I’m In Danger Week
  39. AHHHHHHHH Week
  40. What Day Is it?
  41. Sounds Like A Future Me Problem Week
  42. Dolphin Week (Why Do Sharks Only Get One?) #givedolphinsaweek
  43. Vampire Week(end)
  44. Follow The Free Peach Week!
  45. I Believe Aang Can Save the World Week
  46. Rewatch the Office Week
  47. Rewatch Parks and Rec Week (CNR only)
  48. Rewatch Suits Week (Haas Only)
  49. Time to Redownload Hearthstone Week (Engineers only)
  50. Make a List of 100 Names for Dead Week Instead of Studying Week
  51. Did You Know I Left My Room Twice This Week?
  52. Time to Go on Costar Again Week
  53. Cal Week (Rip Cal Day 2020) 
  54. What’s the Lowest Grade I Can Get and Pass Week
  55. 18 Essays Due Week
  56. Fuck it I’m Just Gonna Fail Week
  57. Binge Boba Week
  58. Ugh Week
  59. Excessive Piazza Notifications Because of Those Three People In Your class Week
  60. I’m On A Study Break Week 
  61. Streak Week
  62. What is the Lowest Grade I Can Get on My Finals to Still Get an A Week
  63. Can I Use My Late Drop Week
  64. The Week Where I Start Watching Lectures
  65. I Miss My Dog Week
  66. I Want a Dog Week
  67. The Semesters Alllllmost Over Week
  68. I Wish Eric Andre Went to This Berkeley Week
  69. Abnormal Amount of Campus Emails Week
  70. Depression Awareness Week
  71. How Late Can You Stay Up Week
  72. Ayo I Need Adderall Week
  73. Why Are People Always Taking Graduation Photos Under Sather Gate Week
  74. GBO Felt Shorter Than This Week
  75. Asynchronous Is Absolute Asshole Week
  76. Berkeley Bears Barf Week
  77. Cal Cocks and Coochie Week
  78. Definitely Determined to Drop Week 
  79. Essentially Stress Eating Everything Week
  80. Fuck Fuck Fuck Week
  81. Grotesque Gastrointestinal Issues Week
  82. Help Help Help Week  
  83. I’m Illiterate How Did I get This Far Week
  84. Just…Just please end already Week
  85. Not Going To Do a Triple K One Because You Know Obvious Reasons 
  86. L Week
  87. Motherfucking Week
  88. Nope Nope Nope Week
  89. Oh My God I Can’t Believe The Semester’s Almost Over Week
  90. Please Please Pass Week
  91. Quick Question Week
  92. Really Really Restless Week
  93. Shit Week
  94. Tang Week 
  95. Uh Oh You’re In Trouble Week
  96. Very Very Vulnerable Week
  97. Welp Week
  98. XXX Week ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  99. Yup You’re Doomed Week 
  100. Zzzzzz Week


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