BERKELEY, Calif. — In an effort to expand the range of available workout options, the Recreational Sports Facility announced Monday that it will now offer …
Frat Bro’s Wrist Sore After Thunderous Slap From Campus Administration
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Alpha Epsilon recruiter Trey Treyson reported a sore wrist after a slightly-harder-than-usual slap from university administration Friday morning. “Bruh! This is …
COVID Super Spreader Infects Every Child On The Planet In One Night
YOUR CITY, Your State – According to reports from minors across the globe, holiday cheer wasn’t the only thing being spread this Christmas Eve. Sources …
Waldo, of “Where’s” Fame, Not Found Anywhere, Presumed Dead
BERKELEY, Calif. – A fourteen-year-long search for the missing Where’s Waldo? star ended Friday morning when investigators declared Waldo ‘dead in absentia.’ “It is with …
Top Ten Boba Teas to Drink While You Gentrify the Neighborhood
Ah, Berkeley. A city rich in culture, diversity, and history. With all of its historic landmarks and Instagram-worthy scenery, it’s no wonder housing prices are …
Michael Drake Blames Traffic for Taking 2 Years to Arrive at UCAFT Negotiating Table
BERKELEY, Calif. – Massive strikes were averted Wednesday morning when the University of California finally agreed to a fairer labor contract with UCAFT lecturers. The …
Carol Christ Spotted on Sproul With Pete Davidson
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson. “They …
Biden Shows CNR Students Solidarity by Falling Asleep During Lecture on Climate Change
GLASGOW, Scotland — Putting to rest any notions that he is out of touch with the youth, U.S. President Joe Biden recently demonstrated his solidarity …
Waitlist to Deepthroat Oski’s Cock Grows Longer, as Does Oski’s Cock
BERKELEY, Calif. — Recent reports from CalCentral confirm that, as of last Friday, the waitlist for UGBA 69 (“Deep-Throating Oski’s Massive Cock”) has grown to …
Hearst Museum Celebrates Halloween by Hiding 9000 Human Skeletons Under a Swimming Pool
BERKELEY, Calif – Halloween is just around the corner and the Hearst Museum of Anthropology isn’t one to miss out on all the spooky fun! …