I seldom pray to God. The only times I’ve prayed to God have been: during college admissions decisions, before confronting my parents about my childhood …
Opinion: What the Fuck is a Coffee Chat???
My friends and family may describe me as a “satire writer,” but this time, I’m being completely serious: what the fuck is a coffee chat? …
The Free Peach’s Unofficial Guide to Note-Taking at Berkeley
As the new semester starts, and many of you decide to try to go to class, we here at The Free Peach wanted to provide …
PSA: It Would Be Great If You All Stopped Going to Class
At the beginning of each new semester we face a recurring vicious problem, even worse than institutional racism and/or getting your socks wet. This problem …
Asking “What Are Your Plans After College?” and Four Other Signs Your Family is TOXIC This Thanksgiving
Ah yes, you can hear the fire cracking over the familial chatter in the other room, and the spirit of giving and love is omnipresent …
Career Confusion: Is Handshake Really Necessary or Can I Just Apply Directly with a Handjob?
Listen, I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say: whatever happened to the good old days when a nice, firm handjob was enough to …
Checkmate, Liberals: If Biden is So Good for America, Then Why Do I Feel Empty All the Time?
As a student at UC Berkeley and the child of two hardcore Rachel Maddow enthusiasts, it’s no surprise that I am surrounded by lots of …
Canvas Throws Me a Fucking Rager for Submitting 40-Day-Late Assignment
You may know me as an academic weapon — and you’d be absolutely correct. I’ve made lots of close friends over my academic career, and …
Opinion: I’ll Just Agree With Anything to Get Out of This Conversation
“Yeah I hate tomatoes too. Oh, you actually said you like tomatoes? Yeah, actually tomatoes are pretty good. Honestly, it might be my favorite vegetable. …
How to Tell Your Straight Friends That You Don’t Wanna See That Shit
I want to preface this article by saying that I’m not heterophobic by any means. I watched Outer Banks. I voted for Biden. I can’t …