BERKELEY, Calif. – Local first-time-voter Gerald Thompson decided to participate in November’s election out of ‘absolute necessity,’ after local establishment WunderLust Gentleman’s Club closed last …
LeConte Hall To Be Renamed After Exodia, the Forbidden One
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the renaming of Boalt Hall, UC Berkeley has turned its attention to other controversial buildings on campus. “LeConte Hall was originally …
Society Fixed! Whole Foods Doesn’t Tolerate Racism
BERKELEY, Calif., — Amidst the drudgery of 2020, anyone could use a little light amidst the darkness. Today, this takes form as political action carried …
Next Presidential Debate Replaced by Charcuterie Board Making Competition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement made late last night by the Commission on Presidential Debates, the American public was made aware of a historic …
BCR President Eagerly Files Lawsuit After Eric Trump Prohibited to Speak at Campus
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley College Republicans President Chase Thompson announced he is filing a lawsuit against UC Berkeley for preventing Eric Trump from speaking at …
Supreme Collabs With GOP On Exclusive Court Position
The GOP seems eager to finally cater to white, suburban youths everywhere.
Presidential Debate Drinking Game
Drink whenever you feel dread. Trump says they’re gonna take our guns! Shotgun a beer. Take a shot every time Joe Biden references a time …
Men’s Rights Activists Announce the Opening of El Burrito Across the Street From La Burrita
BERKELEY, Calif. — This morning the Berkeley Meninist Collective (BMC) announced the opening of their new Mexican restaurant, El Burrito, directly across the street from …
Urgent Advisory Message: Marc Fisher’s Night Light Is Out And He Needs Somebody to Change It
BERKELEY, Calif. — In his latest public safety update, Vice Chancellor Marc Fisher has informed the Berkeley campus community of another impending hazard. “Dear faculty, …
OPINION: Why My COVID Antibodies Make My Cum Taste Better
There are already SO many reasons why girls should give me head. To name a few: 1) because it feels good for me, 2) because …