BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …
Pathetic! Self-Proclaimed Funny Cal Student Doesn’t Even Write For The Free Peach
Dear Reader, Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, …
Out of State Sorority Girl Frustrated She Has to Pay Full Dues for Virtual Friends
BERKELEY, Calif. – As rush drew to a close, dissatisfaction emerged from UC Berkeley’s Greek community as out-of-state sorority sisters both new and old increasingly …
Cal Dining to Source All Meat from Irish Babies
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid concerns of animal cruelty in Cal Dining’s source of pork, the organization has vowed to reinvest in more ethical food systems. …
Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police
GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …
Berkeley Professor Requires Purchase of Reader from Copy Central For Online Course
BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley professor Claude McClaude sparked outrage recently with his controversial decision to require his students to purchase a hard copy of …
Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …
I’m A Republican and I Think COVID-19 Is Nothing Compared To Those Scary Clowns From 2016
America, we will never be able to agree on everything. We all want what’s best for our country, and we all have different ideas of …
Student Awarded Regents Scholarship After Eating Slice of Artichoke’s Using Just One Plate
BERKELEY, Calif. — Peter Johnson has been awarded a Regents Scholarship after eating an entire whopping, enormous, fat slice from Artichoke’s Pizza using only a singular plate. He recounted the life-changing experience.
“I’ve been eating at Artichoke’s for years. I’ve always questioned why they serve their slices on two plates. I know they’re big, but I’ve had a gut instinct for a while — actually, to be honest, I’ve had a gut instinct since the first time they ever served me — that I could manage to eat a slice using just one plate. As a Society and Environment Major in the College of Natural Resources, I’m always thinking of ways to help the environment. Eating a slice from Artichoke’s off of one paper plate would be a step towards saving the Earth. So I asked the manager if I could have my Margherita slice on one plate.”
Carol Christ Restricts Commencement Availability to Her OnlyFans
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid the ongoing pandemic, universities across the country are changing their graduation plans. “UC Berkeley’s commencement ceremony is no light fare,” said …