BREAKING NEWS: As of February 11, 2020, Andrew Yang announced he will be suspending his presidential campaign. Yang ran an innovative campaign known for its …
Pete Buttigieg Reveals He is a Reptile After Shocking Win in Iowa
BREAKING: After beating out Bernie Sanders in the Iowa Caucus, Pete Buttigieg announced that he is, in fact, an interstellar lizard wearing a human skin …
A Beginner’s Guide to Flirting in Class
Okay, so it’s week three, and by now you’ve definitely spotted the L&S Hotties in your Dwinelle lecture hall. It can be very hard to …
I Neutered My Dog But Then He Came Out Of The Closet
I want my money back Did you know it costs between $50-$250 to neuter your dog? Of course, there are the DIY Pinterest types that …
I Lived it: Riding a Lime Scooter Pretty Fast Down Bancroft Cured My Depression
The sun on my face, the wind in my hair. I’m… smiling. A rush that my 30mg of Cymbalta® could never induce courses through my …
Literally Fuck The Bachelor
Honestly, I was going to write another article about Cal Greek life, per my usual authorial persona, but I watched Monday night’s episode of The …
Please Don’t Read This, I’m Too Shy
Wait, stop! I thought I told you not to read this. Didn’t you read the title of the article? UGH, I can’t believe you’re still …
Team Edward Caucusing For Joe Biden
According to polling data out of Iowa, the majority of Team Edward is enthusiastically looking forward to supporting Former Vice President Joe Biden in the …
Batteries from iClicker Relocated to Vibrator
On Friday, January 31st, UC Berkeley student Dana Howells relocated the batteries from her iClicker 2.0 to her vibrator, a move that has earned her …
Opinion: This is a Shoes-On Household
Listen up, you little shit. You may have heard of the time and true tradition of a “shoes-off” household, so I am going to blow your fucking mind with this one.