Could this be “the Big one”? But then you remembered that your roommate in the top bunk is a total floozy.
My 5th grader hates me because I’m a Classic Yellow Wood-Cased Ticonderoga No.2 Pencil and not a Paper Mate Clearpoint Mechanical Pencil :(
My owner’s name is Billy! He is a 5th grader at Newbury Park Elementary School and he loves drawing and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches …
Black Out for the Black Out: A PG&E Inspired Drinking Game
Hey fuckers! There are no classes tomorrow, so let’s do what any responsible Golden Bear should: drink! Here’s a great drinking game that allows you to fully participate in UC Berkeley’s binge culture while celebrating the incompetence of PG&E.
Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold
As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.
5 Ways to Recover from a Drunk Text
So you woke up this morning, refreshed and ready for a new dawn, only to find that you texted your crush “Come find me, big boy” at 2 am…with no response.
The Star Signs as Spoons
Astrology? More like astrolog-eats, am I right? Ha ha. What spoon are you, based on the day of your birth?? Only the stars—and this Free …
“How Can Medieval Knights Continue Making The Same Tactical Blunders And Expect Different Outcomes?” Says Poli Sci Student Texting Ex During Lecture
Making the same silly mistakes over and over again without ever learning or changing. I would never do something so stupid.
Anyway, today I texted Brad.
BREAKING: Sproul Be Crowded
Sproul Plaza, the thoroughfare that serves as the campus’ south entrance, in fact be crowded sometimes.
“I’m Tired of Being Seen For My Tits and Ass!” Local Woman Demands Compliment on Her Left Labia Next Time
Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?
Opinion: The Fecund Melisma of Saturnine Parlance Is An Enervated Corpus Delicti of Contemporary Ontological Praxis (By That Guy From Section)
We’re all thinking it, but I guess I have to be the one to say it: the fecund melisma of saturnine parlance is an enervated corpus delicti of modern ontological praxis.