In the midst of a recent outbreak of California oak moth caterpillars on the campus of the University of California, Berkeley, ASUC Senator Milton Zerman has proposed action to keep the caterpillars separated from the student body.
UC Berkeley Acquires Alta Bates as New Freshmen Dorm for Housing Alcohol Poisoned Teens
In anticipation of this Saturday’s game day, the University of California, Berkeley has purchased the Alta Bates Summit Medical Center as a new dorm for alcohol poisoned teens.
Pathetic! Self-proclaimed funny Cal Student doesn’t even write for The Free Peach
Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, chances are you have.
Congrats on Getting into Cal! Can You Make it Through Your Freshman Year Without Getting Gout?
Congratulations, you’ve been accepted to UC Berkeley, the #1 public university in the world! Get ready for a year of learning, growth, and lifelong memories. But be careful, you wouldn’t want to sully your first year of college with a common form of inflammatory arthritis that causes severe pain, redness, and tenderness in your joints. So let’s see- can you make it through your freshman year without getting gout?
5 Things to “Do” with Your English Major
Faced with the intrusive, probing question of all dads, dads’ friends, (ex)boyfriends, and weird, overly jovial older men at the gym to whom you respond out of common decency, it’s easy to take the coward’s way out and mutter something vague about a startup. Because really, what are you going to do with your English degree?
BREAKING: 30-50 Feral Hogs are rushing Cal Sororities. Will They Be Able to Defend Themselves?
However, many have questioned whether the threat of the hogs exists at all, as GreekRank has reportedly “routinely misrepresented” houses in the past.
Young Father Seeking Advice: Should I Sacrifice my Daughter to Satan?
I don’t care about being rich or famous or any of that typical bullshit Satan promises. Certainly not enough to sacrifice Amanda, my eight-year-old daughter.
Freshman’s Long-distance Relationship Somehow Already Over
According to Braverman, the two have “grown apart” due to the distance and are in “two completely different stages of life.” Jenkins, after all, is a high school volleyball player, while Braverman is simply a player.
Fiji Sincerely Sorry Its Homophobic Slurs Were Caught On Video
“We promise that this will never happen again because while we’re not going to address the deep-rooted homophobia and toxic masculinity in our organization, you can be damn-well sure we’ll be quieter next time!”
Shocking: UC Berkeley Fraternity Organizes Volleyball Tournament for Charity
“We actually lost a lot of money doing this event,” claimed (ΒΜΠ) Philanthropy chair Trevor Blench, “the sand cost us like $7,000. It seems a little ridiculous in hindsight when there is a perfectly good beach volleyball court a few blocks away. But fuck it, now we have sand in our backyard how epic is that! So much beer die and Spikeball opportunity.”