“Alvin and the Chipmunks” frontman Alvin Seville was pronounced dead at Cedar-Sinai Veterinary Hospital early this morning after an apparent fentanyl overdose. The acclaimed anthropomorphic chipmunk was 61 years old.
I Talk So Much In Section Because I Must Preserve America’s Democracy: By Every Male Political Science Major
Some people can’t handle the discourse I inspire. Okay, fine, you made me say it – these people are usually women.
ASUC-Inspired Drinking Game: Get Drunk and be Politically Aware
Drink a beer for every person that covers the livestream camera by sitting in front of it and showing their buttcrack.
Help! Ruth Bader Ginsburg Stepped On The Seal And Now I’m Going To Lose My Right To An Abortion
A source from the UC Berkeley Office of Traditions and Curses recently confirmed that since Justice Ginsburg is not an enrolled Berkeley student, the bad luck from this incident will follow her to the court, endangering the right to an abortion for millions of Americans.
8 Reasons Why Vampires Respect Women More Than Cal Fraternity Brothers
Vampires won’t send you an unsolicited dick pic. Even if they tried, you’d probably just receive a phone floating in front of a mirror.
BREAKING: Kanye West Still Included in your Aunt Karen’s list of Satanist Influences Despite Upcoming Release of “Jesus is King” Album
Kanye West never responded to our email requesting a comment. Updates will be added if he chooses to respond. Your Aunt Karen will maintain her commenting regardless, though.
TFP Presents: RuthWatch
As I contemplate the hold that my government has over my rights, opportunities, and access to my own medical services in a land that is supposed to be “free,” I sit and wonder. What is freedom? I close my eyes and think of RBG.
Opinion: I Refuse to be Bullied for my Chunky White Filas
Some claim that the size of our sneaker is an overcompensation for qualities we lack elsewhere, yet this could not lean further from the truth. If anything, the weight of our Filas make us even more grounded than ever before
Mid-October Horoscopes
Yo party people, it’s mid October and you know what that means!! The stars have been gossiping and The Free Peach has the inside scoop.
Berkeley RA Under Fire for Confiscating Student’s Emotional Support Bong
Blood tests taken when Strawberry-Fields filed the police report confirmed that she was, in fact, couched as her Blood Marijuana Content was 42.0%.