AUSTIN, Texas — With early voting in Texas shattering records, the Secretary of State of Texas has decided to model the voter registration website off …
Alcohol Not Cutting It? 7 Excellent Glues To Huff Tonight, or Really Any Night Following
Rubber Cement: Remember how your second grade teacher kept this one on the top shelf? One whiff of this baby and you’ll understand why Ms. …
Frat Brother Wants to Show You Flask of Amontillado
BERKELEY, Calif. – Junior Brock Tresor had borne the thousand injuries of the Sigma Chi dating scene as best he could, but when it at …
Stampede of Berkeley Bisexuals Coming for Your Green Tea Mochi Ice Cream
Berkeley, CALIF. — Repeatedly in the past week, Berkeley residents reported seeing a frenzied yet emotionally-calming flock of approximately 200 students–all wearing turtlenecks and toting …
LinkedIn Networking Event Ends in Tragedy
According to multiple, visibly shaken sources, a virtual LinkedIn networking event held on Saturday night by Berkeley Haas Students in Haas ended in shambles when …
L&S Alpaca Doubles Grad School Matriculation Rate
BERKELEY, Calif. — In recent years, the College of Letters & Sciences has ramped up its advising capabilities by holding events where students can connect …
Tiffany Trump Comes Out as 50 Year Old ‘Cool Aunt’ on Booze Cruise Following Pride Gig
Following her appearance at a Pride event for her father, Tiffany Trump came under fire for her general asshattery and lack of knowledge about the …
Top 10 Spots for Socially-Distant Dates on Campus
2020 has been hard. Pandemic is upon us, democracy is crumbling, and you haven’t gotten slammed over the handicap support bar of a Buffalo Wild …
Clark Kerr Freshman Reports Understanding Poverty for First Time After Running Out of Flex Dollars Mid-Semester
BERKELEY, Calif. — Julia White, a freshman living at Clark Kerr who recently ran out of flex dollars, reported that, for the first time in …