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Posted on April 20, 2026April 20, 2026 by: The Free Peach

Professor Reminds Class Attendance is Mandatory to Puff Puff Pass the Class

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Posted on September 17, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Zeus to Punish Greek Life for Hubris

BERKELEY, Calif. — Havoc broke out Saturday as a KA brother unleashed unknowable power upon his peers.  “Who hath dared to party-foul Zeus, Ruler of …

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Posted on September 17, 2020April 27, 2023 by: The Free Peach

OPINION: I Spray-Painted Cop Cars for Black Lives Matter. NOW Will You Fuck Me on my Top Bunk in DKE?

As I researched to educate myself on systemic racism and oppression, I had a revelation: I have been the subject of discrimination by my female …

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Posted on September 15, 2020May 13, 2021 by: Daniella Rosen

President Trump Endorses Eighth Grader’s COVID-19 Fart Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to White House Chief Fart Correspondent William Barr, President Trump has officially come out in support of the COVID-19 Fart Test …

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Posted on September 15, 2020May 6, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

UC Berkeley Announces Add/Drop Deadline Revenue Will Fund Zipline Down Bancroft

BERKELEY, Calif. — Confirming everybody’s long-held assumptions that most extraneous university fees are driven by greed, UC Berkeley announced this morning that the thousands of …

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Posted on September 11, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Campus Cuties! Kiwibot Replaces Adorable Robot Labor With Adorable Child Labor

BERKELEY, Calif. — Following Labor Day, Kiwibot once again finds themselves embroiled in workers’ rights controversies.  “The time has come, comrades!” wrote Unit 47, leader …

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Posted on September 10, 2020October 15, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Cal Fraternities to Reevaluate Bid System After COVID-19 Enters Uninvited

BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …

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Posted on September 8, 2020September 10, 2020 by: The Free Peach

Pathetic! Self-Proclaimed Funny Cal Student Doesn’t Even Write For The Free Peach

Dear Reader, Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, …

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Posted on September 4, 2020May 12, 2021 by: Amanda Mier

Out of State Sorority Girl Frustrated She Has to Pay Full Dues for Virtual Friends

BERKELEY, Calif. – As rush drew to a close, dissatisfaction emerged from UC Berkeley’s Greek community as out-of-state sorority sisters both new and old increasingly …

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Posted on September 4, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Cal Dining to Source All Meat from Irish Babies

BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid concerns of animal cruelty in Cal Dining’s source of pork, the organization has vowed to reinvest in more ethical food systems. …

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Posted on September 3, 2020May 6, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police

GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …

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