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Posted on May 10, 2026 by: Ellie Shaps

Missing Home? Situationship Calls You Mommy for Mother’s Day

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Posted on January 6, 2022April 27, 2023 by: The Free Peach

Tragic: Hometown Tinder

SAN FRANCISCO — Nationwide, college students home for the holidays have dared to attempt one of the bravest and horniest activities known to humankind. Psychologists …

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Posted on January 2, 2022 by: schaudhury253

New Year’s Resolutions For Each Major

As we reflect on how we can be better in 2022 (which wouldn’t be hard considering the pieces of shit we collectively were in 2021), …

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Posted on December 26, 2021 by: Valmic Mukund

COVID Super Spreader Infects Every Child On The Planet In One Night

YOUR CITY, Your State – According to reports from minors across the globe, holiday cheer wasn’t the only thing being spread this Christmas Eve. Sources …

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Posted on December 25, 2021December 25, 2021 by: schaudhury253

Girl With December Birthday Feels a Little Upstaged by Jesus

BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley sophomore Alice Cunningham was disappointed to learn that Christmas was within three days of her upcoming birthday. “Sometimes, I really …

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Posted on December 16, 2021 by: schaudhury253

Student Cums While Writing a Negative Course Evaluation

BERKELEY, Calif. — First-year Cal student Tanya Pierre recently exerted her revenge on her calculus professor of four months.  “Professor Face makes students feel dumb …

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Posted on December 12, 2021 by: Tohar Zamir

Supreme Court Possibly Rules Pro-Anti-Abortion, or Something Like That

WASHINGTON — In a landmark case undecided earlier today, the Supreme Court did nothing. Their indecision to be indifferent towards abortion clinics while ignoring the …

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Posted on December 10, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Dog on Glade Unaware He’s Only Source of Meaning in My Life

BERKELEY, Calif. — Amid finals, local terrier Toaster Sanchez has become the only source of meaning in life for many students.  “I hate my major, …

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Posted on December 9, 2021June 2, 2023 by: The Free Peach

I Lived It: I Got Lost Exiting Main Stacks and Somehow Surfaced at Shen Yun 2018

I remember it like it was yesterday. I had done a couple of hours’ worth of work in Main Stacks (like a champ) and was …

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Posted on December 7, 2021 by: Valmic Mukund

Waldo, of “Where’s” Fame, Not Found Anywhere, Presumed Dead

BERKELEY, Calif. – A fourteen-year-long search for the missing Where’s Waldo? star ended Friday morning when investigators declared Waldo ‘dead in absentia.’ “It is with …

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Posted on December 5, 2021 by: Tohar Zamir

BP Celebrates Hanukkah With Festive Oil Spill

LONDON – This week, Jewish people around the globe finally ignited the candle-filled Hanukkiahs they keep year-long beneath the sink (behind the Clorox and the …

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