Last week at Berkeley Thai House, as I sat beneath the cherry-blossom canopy, listening to the sweet sound of the fountains, and spending the last …
How to Tell Your White Roommates Gilmore Girls Is Just Okay
BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Anika Khan watched Gilmore Girls for the first time this past month after her roommates insisted it was a classic. “How …
OPINION: “Midterm Season” Is a Scam Created by Big Academia to Sell More Exams
As temperatures plummet and the trees on Sproul grow as barren as my social calendar, I know that the seasons have changed. In fact, I …
Carol Christ Spotted on Sproul With Pete Davidson
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson. “They …
Biden Shows CNR Students Solidarity by Falling Asleep During Lecture on Climate Change
GLASGOW, Scotland — Putting to rest any notions that he is out of touch with the youth, U.S. President Joe Biden recently demonstrated his solidarity …
Alarming Number of Students Robbed by Someone Other Than Financial Aid Office
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students and faculty alike were shocked last week as students were bombarded with several UCPD alerts detailing armed robberies and grand-theft gasoline. …
Rodgers’ Legacy Almost Complete: QB Throws Tantrums, Misinformation, but No Complete Passes
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a recent publicity stunt, infamous Cal quarterback Chase Garbers, came searingly close to mimicking Cal football alum (’04) and Greenbay Packers …
Free Speech Movement Derailed by Wario Savio
BERKELEY, Calif. — Activists at the University of California, Berkeley have found that the Free Speech Movement’s efforts of the past 60 years have been …
Garbers Comes Out Against Testing, Including His English Final
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, …
Climate Summit Reaches Radical Conclusion, Allocating 7.2 Trillion Thoughts and Prayers
GLASGOW, Scotland — After a two-week climate summit, world leaders made the bold decision to allocate 7.2 trillion thoughts and prayers towards the climate crisis. …