Selfish students everywhere are hogging any shred of the already barely-functioning campus wifi that they can get their grubby mitts on, and it’s depriving me …
National Coming Out Day: I’m a Lesbian Who Gets No Action
You might be wondering why this is late. To be honest, I’ve put this off for a long time, and was too nervous to share …
Friend Using Wine Bottle as Vase Really Nailing That ‘Young, Frugal, and Sexy’ Look
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recent reports show that your ‘almost 20-year-old’ friend wowed apartment guests this past weekend with decor that really made a statement, specifically, …
BREAKING: ███████ ██ █ █████████
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram has ████ mentions of █████ in the recent reporting of the ██████-████ ████ due to █████ of █████ █████. Some …
REPORT: Person Who Sat Next to You on 51B Personally Liked Your Vibe
BERKELEY, Calif. – Latest research conducted by the voices in your head has concluded that your fellow passenger – who sat right next to you …
Fuck: It Was Probably a Bit Too Late to Drink That Yerb
BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal sophomore Ricky Jitters came to the realization last Tuesday night that it was, unfortunately, a bit too late to drink that …
Man Who ‘Doesn’t Need a Bedtime Story’ Scrolling Wikipedia
BERKELEY, Calif. – Gripped by stressful late-night study sessions, many Berkeley scholars have faced difficulty nodding off. Despite spending 30 minutes on the Wikipedia page …
Representation Matters! CEO of ‘War Crimes Inc.’ in Problem Set Question is a Woman
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students in a Haas financial accounting class were assigned what seemed to be a typical problem set for homework. However, in a …
Starbucks Renames ‘Chai Tea Latte’ to ‘Masala Milky Milk’
SEATTLE, W.A. – It’s a pumpkin-spice time of year, and as Starbucks’ Bored-Ass Directors attempt to single handedly tackle racism and injustice again, they turn …
Harambe Moment? This Family Just Left Their Child Unattended in Doe
BERKELEY, Calif – In a moment of parental ignorance and confusion, the Smith family left their 9-year-old son unattended in Doe. “It all happened so …