The Free Peach is a student-run news satire publication. We were founded in early 2019 by a group of disgruntled Black Sheep writers who wanted revenge. We’ve been losing popularity ever since!
UC Berkeley #1 in Public Universities That Didn’t Participate in Capitol Riots
Recently, the high council of U.S. News & World Report added a new section to their exhaustive list of university rankings after a UCLA student …
Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life
According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump.
Health Officials Propose Storing COVID Vaccines in Main Stacks Amidst Freezer Space Shortage
The bleak, frozen environment of this place is known for its chilling temperatures and stark landscape as one of the coldest and quietest natural sites in the Northern Hemisphere.
BREAKING: Berkeley DeCals Not Stickers
BERKELEY, Calif. — Several Cal students recently came to the revelation that Berkeley DeCals are, in fact, student-taught classes and not Berkeley-themed stickers. “I was …
Girlboss! The RA Who Just Wrote You up Is a Woman
In a win for women everywhere, Unit 2 RA Jessica Poole has just written up some freshman for alcohol possession.
Horse Tranquilizer Reportedly “Only Way to Relax” After Long Week of Sitting In Bed Staring at a Screen
The Free Peach doesn’t condone drug use. Well, maybe we do, but only if you’re cool and most certainly not if you’re in Greek life.
Organizers Plan to Make People’s Park a Regents’ Scholar So the University Actually Respects It
The decades-long battle against the university over People’s Park is gaining traction once again, aided by a new initiative to make the park a Regents’ Scholar.
Frats Stop Counting at Seven COVID Cases
BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite anecdotal evidence of fraternities being COVID hotbeds, a report by the Interfraternity Council suggests otherwise. “Stop lying to the people, dude,” …
Eye of Sauron Appears Over Campanile, No One Cares
“Oh boohoo, the ruler of Mordor is now looking at everything I do,” sarcastically exclaimed sophomore Derrick Quincy. “My TikTok For You Page is clearly based on things I say out loud, and Bcourses can monitor how much time I spend on their website. I clearly don’t have any privacy, why should I care if Sauron is looking at me too? At least he’s upfront and honest about it, unlike everyone else.”