“We had heard accounts of Carly Rae Jepsen music traveling up from deep underground, but brushed them off as hallucinations that everybody’s subconscious experiences at one point or another.”
UC President Michael Drake Intends for Fully In-Person Kicking Your Ass
“I was a professor of ophthalmology for decades, so I can guarantee: all you’re gonna see is hands.”
Chancellor Christ Declares She is The Academic Senate
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a shocking power move, Chancellor Christ has proclaimed that she is the Academic Senate. “Frankly, the senate is in shambles at …
Urgent Advisory Message: Marc Fisher’s Night Light Is Out And He Needs Somebody to Change It
BERKELEY, Calif. — In his latest public safety update, Vice Chancellor Marc Fisher has informed the Berkeley campus community of another impending hazard. “Dear faculty, …