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Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on October 20, 2026 by: Ellie Shaps

‘Princess and the Frog’ GONE WRONG: Creature I Kissed Still Fugly and Broke

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Tag: Moffitt Library

Posted on May 2, 2025 by: Audrey Ryder

Locked in? Hardworking Student Still Stuck in Moffitt

BERKELEY, Calif – Since the closure of Moffitt (fan-favorite yapping spot and alleged “library”), students around campus have been forced to procrastinate literally everywhere elsewhere. …

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Posted on April 30, 2024 by: Tohar Zamir

Moffitt Removes Smoking Section

BERKELEY, Calif.– As part of his early plans to modernize campus grounds, Chancellor-elect Richard Lyons’ has announced the removal of Moffitt’s smoking section by Fall …

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Posted on March 12, 2024March 12, 2024 by: Abhi Ganesh

Kip’s Bouncer to Be Permanently Stationed Outside Moffitt to Prevent Underage Overeducation

BERKELEY, Calif. — “I’ll need to see some ID, please,” asserts Berkeley’s latest addition, Kip’s bouncer Chuck O’Hare. He stands brazen, shielding Moffitt Library’s main …

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Posted on November 19, 2021November 19, 2021 by: Bernard Chan

OPINION: Moffitt Seismic Upgrade to Accommodate the Tremors of My Thicc Ass

Recently, university staff have announced that Moffitt, the beloved school library and best place for crying before finals, will be closed for the Spring 2022 …

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Posted on March 2, 2021May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

True Crime: I Put a Very Silly Hat on Top of Every Campus Building

I chase their dreams like a dog chasing cars. I put hats on top of each one. Silly hats. Absurd hats. Hell, I bet the Joker would call these “Normal Hats.” These are the buildings. Their hats are their stories.

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Posted on February 9, 2021May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Campus Libraries Ranked by How Cool Their New Vermin Overlords Are

Louie, the snake who does coke, lives here. I think he may have worked the desk pre-Covid? Anyway, he’s a slippery, legless asshole but he did invite me to his family’s lake house that one time. 

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Posted on April 12, 2019September 11, 2021 by: Sammy Cornick

Which Moffitt Floor Are You Based Off Of Your Plans For Cal Day?

What you decide to do for Cal Day says a lot about you, and so naturally, we at The Free Peach will be giving you a Moffitt Floor that correlates with your plans! Go Bears!

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Posted on April 11, 2019May 13, 2021 by: The Free Peach

UC Berkeley Turns All Libraries Into Coffee Shops

The change comes after local coffee shop Sacks turned so anti-talking and anti-human interaction that Doe library started to sound like Pratt & Whitney F100 Turbofan jet engine in comparison.

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