As I researched to educate myself on systemic racism and oppression, I had a revelation: I have been the subject of discrimination by my female …
UC Berkeley Announces Add/Drop Deadline Revenue Will Fund Zipline Down Bancroft
BERKELEY, Calif. — Confirming everybody’s long-held assumptions that most extraneous university fees are driven by greed, UC Berkeley announced this morning that the thousands of …
Campus Cuties! Kiwibot Replaces Adorable Robot Labor With Adorable Child Labor
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following Labor Day, Kiwibot once again finds themselves embroiled in workers’ rights controversies. “The time has come, comrades!” wrote Unit 47, leader …
Cal Fraternities to Reevaluate Bid System After COVID-19 Enters Uninvited
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …
Pathetic! Self-Proclaimed Funny Cal Student Doesn’t Even Write For The Free Peach
Dear Reader, Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, …
Out of State Sorority Girl Frustrated She Has to Pay Full Dues for Virtual Friends
BERKELEY, Calif. – As rush drew to a close, dissatisfaction emerged from UC Berkeley’s Greek community as out-of-state sorority sisters both new and old increasingly …
Cal Dining to Source All Meat from Irish Babies
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid concerns of animal cruelty in Cal Dining’s source of pork, the organization has vowed to reinvest in more ethical food systems. …
Berkeley Professor Requires Purchase of Reader from Copy Central For Online Course
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Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …
Student Awarded Regents Scholarship After Eating Slice of Artichoke’s Using Just One Plate
BERKELEY, Calif. — Peter Johnson has been awarded a Regents Scholarship after eating an entire whopping, enormous, fat slice from Artichoke’s Pizza using only a singular plate. He recounted the life-changing experience.
“I’ve been eating at Artichoke’s for years. I’ve always questioned why they serve their slices on two plates. I know they’re big, but I’ve had a gut instinct for a while — actually, to be honest, I’ve had a gut instinct since the first time they ever served me — that I could manage to eat a slice using just one plate. As a Society and Environment Major in the College of Natural Resources, I’m always thinking of ways to help the environment. Eating a slice from Artichoke’s off of one paper plate would be a step towards saving the Earth. So I asked the manager if I could have my Margherita slice on one plate.”