Mercury is in flavortown and you know what that means… The Free Peach does horoscopes now! You’re welcome. Scroll for your weekend horoscope!
BREAKING: Spike In Incest Porn Popularity After The Release of Frozen 2 Trailer
The clues are all there. In the new trailer, Anna and Elsa are shown venturing into the “Forbidden Forest.” You know what else is considered “forbidden”? INCEST!
Forest Witch Getting Into Meal Prep Thinks She’ll Save Gretel For Dinner Friday
“I couldn’t keep myself from fattening, roasting, and devouring every single child that happened upon my gingerbread house as soon as they fell for my trap. I had terrible impulse control, and it was starting to affect my cholesterol.”
What You Need To Know Before You Watch Endgame!
The biggest cinema event of a generation came out this week! Here’s what you need to know before you watch!
Girl Who Went to Paris That One Time Personally Affected by the Burning of Notre Dame
Kelsey knew she wanted to do something to show she cared. “I had all these photos from my family vacation to France last summer, have I told you about that? It was such a good trip, we went to Paris, I ate so much food!”
SHOCKING: Your Next 20 ASUC Senators Exposed
This past weekend, the fate of Berkeley was greatly impacted. Twenty eager candidates who are going to take bold strides and truly improve their resumes …
The Definitive Ranking of Taylor Swift Albums, Which Yes, I Can Still Listen To and Be Woke. Get Off My Back.
Don’t you fucking judge me, okay? Look, I’m like super woke. I went to the women’s march.
Report: Grandpa Sent Grandma Naughty Telegrams During The War!
— -.– / .-.. — …- . –..– / – …. . / – .-. . -. -.-. …. . … / .- .-. . / …. . .-.. .-.. .-.-.- / .. – / .. … / .– .. – …. / –. .-. . .- – / – .-. . .–. .. -.. .- – .. — -.
College Students Choose Passover As Next Big Drinking Holiday
“You know, we’re used to being marginalized, but I was still surprised that we were so underrated in the college drinking scene. It’s straight up prejudice!”