BERKELEY, Calif. – As the Fall 2021 semester draws near, UC Berkeley students are vying for the continuation of the additional mental health awareness and …
Fuck it: Tonight, We’re Boning to “Busted” from Phineas and Ferb
I’ve popped open the champagne. I’ve dimmed the lights. “Busted” from Phineas and Ferb is still setting the mood, somehow.
Uh Oh! Groundhog’s Shadow Blocked By His Gargantuan, Horse Cock Penis
His only response was, with a quick glance up and down and a cheeky lip bite, “If you show me your shadow, I’ll show you mine. Ahaha aha.”
Entirety of US Surveillance State Gears Up for Upcoming CS 70 Final
BERKELEY, Calif. – With an eye turned toward looming final exams, Berkeley EECS administrators held a press conference Tuesday regarding their proctoring policy: “I’m sure …
Gobble, Gobble: 3 Ways to Make it Clear That You Eat Ass at Your Thanksgiving Family Dinner Table
Buckle up, Thanksgiving season is here, which means it’s that time of the year where you get to sit down and get down and dirty …
Chris Cuomo edges America for Four Days, Teasing Messy, Explosive Finish
New York, NY – This past weekend, millions of Americans tuned in to CNN to watch Chris Cuomo’s live cam show on the brutal fucking …
LinkedIn Networking Event Ends in Tragedy
According to multiple, visibly shaken sources, a virtual LinkedIn networking event held on Saturday night by Berkeley Haas Students in Haas ended in shambles when …
Man Decides This the Year to Be Politically Active in Wake of Favorite Strip Club Closing Down
BERKELEY, Calif. – Local first-time-voter Gerald Thompson decided to participate in November’s election out of ‘absolute necessity,’ after local establishment WunderLust Gentleman’s Club closed last …
Next Presidential Debate Replaced by Charcuterie Board Making Competition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement made late last night by the Commission on Presidential Debates, the American public was made aware of a historic …
Supreme Collabs With GOP On Exclusive Court Position
The GOP seems eager to finally cater to white, suburban youths everywhere.