BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson. “They …
Alarming Number of Students Robbed by Someone Other Than Financial Aid Office
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students and faculty alike were shocked last week as students were bombarded with several UCPD alerts detailing armed robberies and grand-theft gasoline. …
Rodgers’ Legacy Almost Complete: QB Throws Tantrums, Misinformation, but No Complete Passes
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a recent publicity stunt, infamous Cal quarterback Chase Garbers, came searingly close to mimicking Cal football alum (’04) and Greenbay Packers …
Free Speech Movement Derailed by Wario Savio
BERKELEY, Calif. — Activists at the University of California, Berkeley have found that the Free Speech Movement’s efforts of the past 60 years have been …
Garbers Comes Out Against Testing, Including His English Final
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, …
Report: Kindles Are Actually Very Cool and the People Who Use Them Have a Ton of Sex
BERKELEY, Calif. – A new, highly factual study has emerged illustrating that the elite few who read using Kindles are actually very cool and have …
Freshman With Late Enrollment Left With Only Classes from University of Phoenix
BERKELEY, Calif. — In an unfortunate turn of events, freshman Elliot Hogg was left taking only online classes from the University of Phoenix after having …
Neighborhood Creep Once Again Refuses To Put Razors In Halloween Candy
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following months of speculation and anticipation from his neighbors, one local man has, for the fifth year in a row, insisted upon …
Spooky! The Tinder Match You Ghosted Three Months Ago Reincarnates in Your DM’s
BERKELEY, Calif. — Recent weeks have witnessed the resurrection of otherwise dead text conversations in recent weeks, students report. “It was the most cursed thing …
Halloweekend Lineup to Include ‘Super Hot Chicks and Culturally Appropriating Dicks’ Party
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a long-winded brainstorm session, the Berkeley Interfraternity Council came to the exciting conclusion that “Super Hot Chicks and Culturally Appropriating Dicks”-themed …