New York, NY – This past weekend, millions of Americans tuned in to CNN to watch Chris Cuomo’s live cam show on the brutal fucking …
LinkedIn Networking Event Ends in Tragedy
According to multiple, visibly shaken sources, a virtual LinkedIn networking event held on Saturday night by Berkeley Haas Students in Haas ended in shambles when …
Man Decides This the Year to Be Politically Active in Wake of Favorite Strip Club Closing Down
BERKELEY, Calif. – Local first-time-voter Gerald Thompson decided to participate in November’s election out of ‘absolute necessity,’ after local establishment WunderLust Gentleman’s Club closed last …
Next Presidential Debate Replaced by Charcuterie Board Making Competition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement made late last night by the Commission on Presidential Debates, the American public was made aware of a historic …
Supreme Collabs With GOP On Exclusive Court Position
The GOP seems eager to finally cater to white, suburban youths everywhere.
OPINION: Why My COVID Antibodies Make My Cum Taste Better
There are already SO many reasons why girls should give me head. To name a few: 1) because it feels good for me, 2) because …
Ellen Degeneres’ Teleprompter Speaks Out
LOS ANGELES — Following the airing of the first episode of Season 18 of “Ellen” yesterday morning, Ellen Degeneres’ teleprompter spoke out about the abuse …
ANTIFA Leaders To Hold Gender Reveal Party at Confederate Monument
RICHMOND, Virginia — In keeping with their violent yet liberal spirit, an ANTIFA couple recently announced their intention to hold a gender reveal party at …
New Scientific Study Finds Coronavirus Immunity in Former FitTea Models
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The novel coronavirus has presented innumerable uncertainties to the global population, with scientists and doctors worldwide scrambling to create a vaccine …
President Trump Endorses Eighth Grader’s COVID-19 Fart Test
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to White House Chief Fart Correspondent William Barr, President Trump has officially come out in support of the COVID-19 Fart Test …