BERKELEY, Calif. – A research team at the UC Berkeley Department of Linguistics released a watershed report early Friday morning positing the existence of a …
Confused Fraternity Brother Gives Partygoers Talk About 5 Pillars of Islam
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Chi pledge Don Wilderman had to strike a match after his door duty at last night’s SX rager, where he delivered …
Please Don’t Read This, I’m Too Shy
Wait, stop! I thought I told you not to read this. Didn’t you read the title of the article? UGH, I can’t believe you’re still …
I Went All the Way Out to Office Hours but There Wasn’t Even Sexual Tension Between Me and My GSI
So you go to office hours. You go, ready to see four months of buildup come to fruition.
$400 Noise Cancelling Headphones Purchased to Avoid Confronting Roommate About Having Sex While He Thinks Everyone’s Asleep
“I can hear my asshole neighbor screaming ‘Thank god everyone’s asleep! I needed to nut so badly, baby.’”
8 Reasons Why Vampires Respect Women More Than Cal Fraternity Brothers
Vampires won’t send you an unsolicited dick pic. Even if they tried, you’d probably just receive a phone floating in front of a mirror.
My 5th grader hates me because I’m a Classic Yellow Wood-Cased Ticonderoga No.2 Pencil and not a Paper Mate Clearpoint Mechanical Pencil :(
My owner’s name is Billy! He is a 5th grader at Newbury Park Elementary School and he loves drawing and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches …
Forest Witch Getting Into Meal Prep Thinks She’ll Save Gretel For Dinner Friday
“I couldn’t keep myself from fattening, roasting, and devouring every single child that happened upon my gingerbread house as soon as they fell for my trap. I had terrible impulse control, and it was starting to affect my cholesterol.”
Pathetic! Self-proclaimed funny Cal Student doesn’t even write for The Free Peach
Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, chances are you have.
Young Father Seeking Advice: Should I Sacrifice my Daughter to Satan?
I don’t care about being rich or famous or any of that typical bullshit Satan promises. Certainly not enough to sacrifice Amanda, my eight-year-old daughter.