As I contemplate the hold that my government has over my rights, opportunities, and access to my own medical services in a land that is supposed to be “free,” I sit and wonder. What is freedom? I close my eyes and think of RBG.
Mid-October Horoscopes
Yo party people, it’s mid October and you know what that means!! The stars have been gossiping and The Free Peach has the inside scoop.
Berkeley RA Under Fire for Confiscating Student’s Emotional Support Bong
Blood tests taken when Strawberry-Fields filed the police report confirmed that she was, in fact, couched as her Blood Marijuana Content was 42.0%.
BREAKING: Sproul Be Crowded
Sproul Plaza, the thoroughfare that serves as the campus’ south entrance, in fact be crowded sometimes.
The Official Ranking of My Roommates (Spoiler Alert: Rebecca is the Fucking Worst)
Olivia is a gem of a roommate: she’s neat, considerate, very quiet when getting ready in the morning, and one time she bought you that Black Bottom muffin from Strada just because she thought of you. We love Olivia, and every day we thank the lord that she is who she is, and not Rebecca.
Frat Row is Haunted by the Tiny Ghosts of Thousands of Goldfishes Swallowed by KA Pledges, and We Hired a Team of Paranormal Investigators to Prove it
As this publication is renowned for its hard-hitting investigative journalism, The Free Peach hired a team of paranormal investigators to assess the situation.
We’re Pretty Sure the Football Team Is Doing Well, but None of Our Writers Are Qualified to Write About It
I know that UC Berkeley has done poorly in football in the past, so this new trend of “winning” is confusing new territory for everybody on staff.
Berkeley’s Five Most Eligible Bachelors
With cuffing season swiftly approaching, it’s time to get serious about finding love. Luckily for you lonely freaks, we at The Free Peach have compiled a comprehensive list of Berkeley’s most eligible bachelors! Stop wasting your time on Tinder and meet some real men in your own neighborhood!
ASUC Senator Milton Zerman Insists on ID Scanners at MLK to Keep Out Caterpillars
In the midst of a recent outbreak of California oak moth caterpillars on the campus of the University of California, Berkeley, ASUC Senator Milton Zerman has proposed action to keep the caterpillars separated from the student body.
UC Berkeley Acquires Alta Bates as New Freshmen Dorm for Housing Alcohol Poisoned Teens
In anticipation of this Saturday’s game day, the University of California, Berkeley has purchased the Alta Bates Summit Medical Center as a new dorm for alcohol poisoned teens.